Not all fortune cookie fortunes are good (but they should be)

(pp: MySpace)

“You will go to unexpected places. “
That’s a good fortune from a fortune cookie.
So is, “Happiness awaits when you share yourself.”
Fortune cookies are fun. Especially when you play the ‘in bed’ game. (It’s easy to play, just add ‘in bed’ after any fortune. “You will go to unexpected places … in bed!” – “ Happiness awaits when you share yourself … in bed!”)
I like the whimsical, witty, philosophical sayings inside a cookie after gorging myself on General Tso’s Chicken and pork fried rice. They amuse me. Not General Tso or pork fried rice, but the sayings. I like to think the feel-good predictions could come true, but I don’t put too much stock in them (even the ‘in bed’ parts)
Until I got this fortune: ‘You laugh now, wait till you get home.’
What?
I was not laughing. Neither was I contemplating some great truth, or smiling whimsically. In fact, I was a little bit scared. What does that mean?
The lack of credence I put in the fortune telling of fortune cookies started to crumble.
This fortune was borderline psycho, and I was borderline believing it.
What if some maniac tainted my cookie in some way and left his ‘calling card’ inside?
I don’t think it’s funny.
Is this really the message that China Max wants to send its customers; flour, vanilla and sugar mixed together with a slight sense of dread and a hint of spite?
Is this the kind of thing that passes for humor in China?
I know, I know … Chinese fortune cookies were invented by Americans; it’s a half-the-population known fact.
China had nothing to do with it. The paper was probably printed in America; the cookie probably made in America, but so were the Oklahoma City bombing and Columbine.
I checked over both shoulders for anyone lurking about in the shadows, watching the scene of the crime. Perhaps disgruntled ex-army ops in long coats, or disgruntled teens in long coats. It’s the mall, so I saw a lot of both, but no one seemed to be watching me. I folded the fortune into my wallet, hoping if something happened the CSI team would turn up at least that one small piece of evidence: ‘You laugh now, wait till you get home.”
I’m not sure I want to go home, but I go, to see what “fortune” awaits me.
And I really don’t want to face what might happen in bed.