An open letter to open letters:

Dear Open Letters:
What do you want?
Do you really expect me to answer such a public cry for attention?
I won’t.
I can’t.
I’ve changed, however, you have stayed exactly the same, which is why I want to tell you this: it’s over.
Over the years, you’ve come to me unexpectedly, but you came to everyone else too. And I mean everyone. Sometimes I’d see you in a full page ad in the Post Gazette. THat's a lot of readers. Sometimes I’d find you at McSweeney’s, where anyone with an internet connection could find you. Recently, you’ve even crept into my emails and text messages.
Or, perhaps that wasn’t you leaving all those cryptic messages about special deals I could get switching my cell plan. Or forwarding me the stories about soldiers and huge corporations that have done something wrong, which I then have to research on Snopes.com before taking action, because frankly, Open, you’ve become untrustworthy.
The free $500 gift card on MySpace? I fell for it once, but never again.
I know you're just trying to help. You know I want to hate big corporations, get a better cell plan, and who couldn't use $500?
But you need to stop with the forwarded emails with touching sentiments about love and friendship tagged with an admonition for me to send it to 10 other people including the person who sent it to me so they know I care.
It’s desperate, Open. But I guess desperation is what you do. You're a last resort, and I'm done with that.
Don’t be upset. Hell, a part of me still cares. but what we had is over, Open. I’m more focused now.
I need a relationship to be more personal, and you’re too open, Open.
I know that’s who you are, and I don’t want you to ever change, because you’re good at what you do, being the best you can be.
Just, please, leave me out of it.
Sincerely ,
Personal Letter Writer