Set up:
My friends and I were in a bar in Nashville, in the heart of “southern” country, listening to a songwriters open mic, which featured more than one song about how the south was great and Yankees sucked. (and I’m not talking about the baseball team .)
As we were leaving, my friend Joe and I stopped in the bathroom. He stepped into a stall but I could see his bright red Ohio State Buckeye hat peeking out over the top.
Reality:
As I stood at the urinal, a loud drunken southern boy burst into the room.
Hillbilly: Whew! Someone fucking let loose in here, dawg. (pause as he unzips) Someone fucking let loose in here, boy. (another pause as he presumably looks for his penis.) Whew, dawg, someone let fuckin’ loose, huh?
Me: (in a low grunt, peeing and trying to mind my own business) Yeh.
Conversation over.
What I shoulda said:
Hillbilly: Whew! Someone fucking let loose in here, dawg. (pause as he unzips)
Me: You’re telling me, it’s nasty, nas-T.
Hillybilly: Whew, dawg, someone let fuckin’loose, huh?
Me: I think it was the guy in the red hat
Hillybilly: Huh? (as he quits searching for his penis and begins searching for the dawg that let loose.)
Me: And that’s an Ohio State hat!
Followed by me exiting.
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